"... So we all left the uni bar and walked back to Sophie's flat for their party. And half way across the quad she fell over taking two of the lads with her. At least they broke her fall, and they were a bit bladdered themselves so they fell all relaxed and didn't even spill a drop, never mind break anything.
"Then the girls started laughing and grabbed a bit of Sophie's collar and dragged her up the stairs into their flat, oh man it was like they were dragging a rag doll. Wouldn't listen to us lads, so we followed on behind, making sure they were safe, like, and sorting out something to eat. Effer got the orders for the pizzas organised and phoned them through whilst I held his pint.
"Then inside the flat Sophie'd recovered enough to open up the alki-pops. Wasn't long before she fell over again. Then all hell broke loose. The girls started screaming, "Get the men out. Get the men out!" like she'd been roofied. She hadn't been roofied, she'd had a dirty pint to celebrate her birthday at the start of the evening and then went on to alki-pops. Oh man it was so funny, pandemonium all the way. So we all went out and stood on the landing. Then Disco decided she needed an ambulance so started phoning 999 and was giving very complex instructions how to get to the flat before Effer pointed out he hadn't switched the phone on and who did he think he was talking to? Course Disco then got in a strop and started yelling "There's no credit on this phone," threw it in the corner and grabbed Phil's and started all over again, then threw that one away, "There's no F*****g credit on this one either!" He must have gone through most of our phones. Oh man he was so funny.
"Of course all the girls are sitting around Sophie crying and wailing "She's dying get an ambulance," and Sophie's lying flat on her back in the middle of all these girls blinking slowly and still holding her bottle. Then she throws up, and Disco goes hysterical on the phone, "She's vomiting blood now!" Only this time he's actually managed to get through to ambulance control, so spends the next 35 minutes negotiating with them about the seriousness of the vomit. And it wasn't blood it was red aftershock.
"So in the middle of all this bloody chaos a van pulls up and out steps the pizza dude with two 30" pizzas under his arm. By this time I'm feeling a bit peckish, so stroll over. "Look lads," he says, "I know you're in the middle of some heavy shit, but whose paying?" Disco was still on someone else's phone negotiating, the girls were still crying, so me and Jay split the bill and went up the stairs to the next landing and sat and ate the pizzas.
"Oh man, it was a great night."