Monday: Old age is full of surprises, most of them unpleasant, and it is rather like being punished for a crime one has never committed. My inside is giving me hell but if I go to surgery for soothing medicine I will be whipped off to hospital, deprived of the last tattered shreds of human dignity and tubes will be inserted into every orifice I possess. The biggest mistake I ever made was to come round after passing out when buying cut-price gin in Newbury.
Charlie and Roger Mortimer
